You're Something Else

Floating

2009-11-04T04:22:00.000-08:00

School has improved. I'm getting by. For the mostpart I'm even enjoying myself.
Cross Country is over. Time to prep for crew.
Halloween was a sucess.
Fall has been good to me.

I know all the rules, but the rules don't know me

2009-09-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

I love this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f69QnJHUJS4&feature=related

It reminds me of summer...

2009-09-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

The Fall

2009-09-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

I wake up at 6:04. Cold. So tired.
Half halfheartedly get dressed.
Who cares if I didn't do my hair today.
Math.
"I got so fucked up last night."
Me:
Teacher: "Any questions?"
Me:
Spanish.
Write as slowly as possible to waste as much time as possible.
Tune her harsh out. Out. Out.
Most importantly don't let anyone in.
Art:
What could have been.
Reminisce.
Remember last year and how great it was.
Laughing everymorning.
Laughing. Laughing. Laughing.
I don't laugh anymore.
Try to make friends.
Toss that idea.
Work. Work. Work.
English:
Listen.
Admire.
Laugh.
I laugh in english.
We have the same sense of humor.
I cry when you make me think about the past.
I can't stop.
Lunch:
Run away.
Do work. Work. Work. Work.
Nothing else matters.
Except work.
I'm lying and I know it.
I miss you.
World:
Critical Thinking.
Critical Thinking.
Critical Thinking.
What the hell does that even mean?
Gym:
Let go.
Who cares. Who cares.
I do.
Leave ashamed.
Earth Space:
Don't talk,
Just work.

At 3:01 my life begins. And ends just two hours later.

Laugh.
Laugh.
Laugh.
Run.
Run.
Run.
Stronger.
Push.
Faster.
Breath.
I'm alive,
its liberating.
Go home.
Eat.
Work.
Sleep.

2009-09-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

I prayed for you today. gave thanks for your life
wished you the best, asked the Heavens to bless you with good health and happiness
I prayed for you today. I sent you good thoughts, surrounded you with love.
I asked your gaurdian Angels to protect you and keep you safe from any harm and to blanket you with joy and contentment, peace and prosperity.
I asked that you be guided with the wisdom to make choices to enhance your life
and the awareness to make changes that are in your best interst.
I wished for you a storehouse of opportunities,
the ability to meet your goals and the joy of your own approval and acceptance.
I wished for you your hearts desire, every need met, every prayer answered, and every dream come true.
I prayed for you today.
I asked that you be prepared for whatever life hands you, or whatever you are going through.
I asked that your spirit be strong and lead you and guide you each step of the way own every path that you take.
I asked the universe to confirm for you that you are someone very special.
I asked the Earth to be good to you, and I aksed God to show you His perfect way.
I prayed for YOU today.

-Donna Fargo

Last Days

2009-08-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

The thought of going back to school makes me feel sick...

Hello Martha!

2009-08-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

2009-08-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with my mom tonight. A actual conversation. These "actual" conversations are few and far between. I've lived with my mom my entire life and I dont' know her and she doesn't know me. Sure I know her basic likes and dislikes but beyond that her inner thoughts and desires are unknown. I'm not complaining at all I know that this a common relationship between family members.

Normally our conversations are limited to the standard, "How was your day" etc. No personal touches. Tonight was a little different I was sitting at my desk reading a article and I was upset about something stupid. But she noticed this and I told her why I was upset, and she offered a few words of advice.

When I hear the word lacking self confidence I immediately think of some adolescent girl with some sort of body image issues who is emotionally unstable and neurotic. I refrain from saying I lack self confidence. I don't like using it to describe myself. For me it presents itself in my lack of personal accomplishments. I just spent two weeks living with a girl who plays five instruments, has a 4.1, also a very talented runner, and has a senior boyfriend. I have a 3.7, barely. I have no musical gifts once so ever, can't run the way she can, and I don't think I've ever had a conversation with a senior guy. When compared to people like this my self confidence levels aren't exactly overflowing.

When I go to school and have had a mere four hours of sleep I look terrible, can't function and feel miserable. I personally love sleep and require much of it. Now a source in the medical field might say that I should feel miserable considering I'm a 14 year old girl who's body requires sleep but I look around me and EVERYONE is in the same boat. A majority of the people around aren't getting adequate amounts of sleep have at least the same workload, why is it that I can't get myself together? These are the times when I lack self confidence.

Tonight my mom told me that its not about other peoples accomplishments and comparing them with your own, your only competing against yourself. It sounds so cliche and I'm sure I've heard that so many times before, tonight those words resonated. I've spent so much time in energy feeling inadequate but I've never stood back and asked is this the best I can do?

Hard Sun

2009-08-03T18:10:00.001-07:00

"There's a dangerous, confessional thrill to opening up your eminently fascinating life and brain to the world at large, and the Internet makes it all so much faster and more breathless and exciting. " -Julia Powell

Small moments. Every day occurrence that are essentially meaningless to any outsider, why does one bother to document them? Because simply acknowledging everyday moments is what gives them meaning.

I'm not looking for a internet audience. I'm not looking for attention, I just want an outlet.

This is Twice now

2009-07-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it is July 30th. Where has my summer gone? I spent the first two weeks working non stop and the last two at a Summer Enrichment program. I'm finally home, I'm out three hundred dollars and I'm sick. I wonder what August will bring.

Goodbye June

2009-06-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

I Love it When You Smile

2009-06-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

Creation Fest 2009 was everything I'd hoped for. I like Agape Farm. The miles of fields. I'm surrounded by people I love. This week was the highlight of my summer.